Friday, July 27, 2007

From the Inside...

“They try to understand me from outside. But I can only be understood from inside”

I was born in Mexico City but when I was 2 years old I moved to Oklahoma. I lived there for 4 years and then went back to Mexico City. I was raised in a Catholic family and went to an Opus Dei school from 3rd grade to high school. Except for 9th grade when I lived in Auburn, Alabama and went to a public school.

Given that I live in Mexico City, in a mainly Catholic environment, I tend to take for granted so many things. I became aware of this in 9th grade when I went to a public American school and realized that Catholics were a minority. This experience helped me grow in my faith as I started to study more about the Catholic Church and its teachings.

After a year I went back to Mexico and to my comfortable Opus Dei environment were everyone thought more or less like me and I never really found a challenge that made me question my self and what I believed.

This remained so until my senior year in high school when I started dating a guy 6 years older than me. We would constantly engage in discussions about ethics, philosophy and sometimes even about theological subjects. We could never really conclude this talks because I had something he lacked: I had faith. I believed, something he simply couldn’t understand. For obvious reasons, this relationship didn’t last long, however some doubts had been planted in my heart.

I started to question many things I used to believe as certain. I realized I wasn’t sure about anything and I felt I had no one or nothing to rely on. I kept everything I felt inside and locked myself in my own world. I grew away from the Church and from my family. No one knew what was really going inside of me because I wouldn’t tell anyone.

I lived my life day by day without really knowing what I wanted, or more, what God wanted from me. I finished high school like this and went into college. I entered a college in Mexico City and I am currently studying International Relations. During my time of doubts I still went to Mass and to Opus Dei formation but it didn’t have any effect on me. I would just go without thinking about it or really feeling anything. I didn’t want to go to school and I didn’t want to be with my family either.

I hadn’t been to confession in quite some time because I didn’t feel like I needed it. I didn’t commit mortal sins, but I wasn’t doing much good either. I was stuck, I felt numb, I was lukewarm. My world started to crumble before me, and by the grace of God I felt the urge to go to confession. I realized I had been holding anger in my heart and was unable to forgive and forget. I knew I had to tell someone what I was going through. When I was inside the confessionary I felt Gods’ love and his infinite mercy. I was overwhelmed and simply started to cry. I told the Priest the deepest desires of my heart and of course he understood perfectly. And the greatest thing was that by going to confession I opened once again my heart to Jesus.

Now I know that in order to be truly understood by others we have to open our hearts to them. But most of all we have to open our selves to Jesus and allow Him to transform us. He knows what truly lies in our hearts and is waiting for us to come back to him.

Now I find my self once again longing for the Eucharist and constantly seeking Gods’ mercy through confession. I once again assist joyfully to school and I am in great terms with my family.

Let us pray that we may all have the grace, the strength, and the will to persevere in our way to sanctity.

-Maria Teran


ElizabethAndrew said...

Maria! I loved this post! You are a GREAT writer!I am so happy that you are able to be a Missionary.

Lauren P. said...

Does anyone know what happened to the Missionaries of the Eucharist website? I am sad that it was taken over by someone else.

Anonymous said...

stop vandalizing people's property, please

Who we are?

Every summer we, the Missionaries of the Eucharist, are walking from Lewiston, Maine to Washington, DC to proclaim the beauty of the Catholic faith to everyone we meet, specifically through the Theology of the Body.

Conversion begins in our own hearts,which is why prayer is so important to our ministry. For this reason, everyday of our ten week walk begins with daily Mass. By receiving Christ in the Eucharist, we are given the grace to be the Love of Christ not only to those in our community but also to those we meet in the streets.

We walk throughout the day to be a witness of love. We are grounded in prayer-we pray with our lips, our hearts, and our bodies. In walking an average of twenty-five miles per day, we offer our fatigue as a gift of love to Christ and the people we meet. Our walking is both sacrifice and prayer.